2nd Attempt
So I wrote this really great entry, and then it was deleted. My internet is sketchy, so I'm going to wait a bit before I write a whopper of an entry. Plus, I'm swamped with college stuff... I leave in 4 days!
I wanted to share a bit of an interview that I did with Lori when we went to visit her. It was for a contest at Butler, and I actually ended up winning the contest. We had to interview someone and get them to share their story, like in the book, LISTENING IS AN ACT OF LOVE. That was the book that all the incoming Freshman had to read, and there was a contest to go along with it. Who better to interview than the woman that saved my Dad's life and became a great friend of mine!?!?
Here is is:
Lydia Dreyer, 19, interview’s her friend and father’s kidney donor, Lori Brewer, 45
Recorded in Mulvane, KS
Lydia Dreyer: What do you tell people when they ask why you donated a kidney to someone who was not in your family?
Lori Brewer: It depends on who the person is and why they’re asking the question, and if I feel like they should get an answer. I tell them it’s because I felt very strongly that this person, your dad, Kevin Dreyer, needed to live. And there was something that I could do, so I did it. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s someone in my family, it doesn’t matter at all. Really. Is that bad?
Lydia: No. No. It was really good. Did that question come up when you were being evaluated by the psychiatrist to see if you qualified as a donor?
Lori: Yes, constantly. That was the big thing, you know, why do you want to do this for someone who isn’t a family member. But I really don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. It’s my kidney, I figure I should be able to give it to who ever I want and don’t have to see a psychiatrist.
Lydia: So what did you tell them when that question came up?
Lori: That it was really important for me to do this because Kevin wouldn’t live without it. He was a father of 3 daughters and I believe that the most important relationship that a girl can have is with her father. And that’s really the reason I did it. I felt like it’s for the family, for your mom, Indi, and it’s for you and your sisters. He needs to live, and if I have the power to do that then why wouldn’t I? To me it’s not even a question- I didn’t understand what the big deal was. Really. You three girls need that relationship and you don’t need to have a loss of that magnitude. You just don’t. So that was the main reason. Because of you guys. And plus he’s funny as hell. And he can answer any question! You know you ask him a question and he answers it. That’s impressive.
Lydia: I’ve heard there was a question that you asked him. Why was that question so important?
Lori: It was the way he answered it. It wasn’t the question. That wasn’t what impressed me, what impressed me was the way he answered. When I ask questions of people they usually answer simply, and then I have another and then it’s like I’m pulling out the answers. With Kevin, he answered that question from all sides and there were no more questions. And I can’t remember that happening too many times in my life. And that was impressive. You meet people all the time, and they just don’t make that big of an impression on me. But that wasn’t the case with your dad. This guy needs to stay around, he’s got things to say and do.
Lydia: Well I’m really glad you donated a kidney to him. It helped create life and friendships!
Lori: That’s true because I just knew Indi. And you guys met me when you were little toddlers, and you never would have known me or my family or come to Kansas.
Lydia: So what was your full relationship to my mom? You knew her when she was in college?
Lori: She was just finishing her undergraduate studies when I met her and we were waiting tables at the Olive Tree and just making our way in the world. It wasn’t very long. It was probably less than a year spent together and then it became the Christmas card thing. A card every Christmas, and then every once and a while we talked on the phone and it was like that until she came back for her reunion. When she came back we reconnected and started talking again. And then she came back here and stayed with me, and it began just spending more time with each other and together. And then she told me about Kevin and that you guys were looking for a kidney and I heard the story. And I was like, God, that’s terrible. All these people are going through the process and I couldn’t understand what the deal was. Two years and it keeps going on and on. So I came for her birthday party and thought, “What is the deal? Why can’t this happen?” And then I started thinking about it, and thought, this is just ridiculous. If none of these people can do it, then I’ll do it. It’s just time to get it done.
Lydia: She always talks about you saying that you just knew you would be the donor.
Lori: I knew it was going to be me.
Lydia: How did you know?
Lori: I’ve always known. I just knew. Like I know that 1+1 is 2 and I knew that I was going to donate that kidney.
Lydia: How did you talk to your family when you decided you would donate the kidney?
Lori: Well again, see that wasn’t the problem, deciding to donate the kidney. The problem I had and when I really spent time thinking about it was before I even told your mom that I was going to start the process because I knew once I started that I would be the one. I talked to the girls; I told them what I was going to do. I asked if they had any concerns, and they wanted to know if I was going to die and I told them probably not. I explained to them what I knew at that point, which wasn’t a whole lot.
Lydia: There were a lot of people that had to drop out, not by choice, but because they didn’t match, and I know that was really hard on them because they felt they were letting us down, which they weren’t—
Lori: Yeah. If you think you’re going to do it, and you want to help someone and you can’t, it was like the way your mom felt. She couldn’t donate because she didn’t match. The family members wanted to do it. I mean, how can you depend on someone else in the world that you don’t even know. The generosity of someone like that would be scary as hell. Again, it was just the upfront that was the hard part.
Lydia: I remember getting that call. I was in my sister, Natalie’s, room when we got the call and they came in and told us. We all just started screaming. The whole house erupted in screaming. OH MY GOD SHE’S A MATCH, SHE’S A MATCH. And then they wanted to do the surgery on Friday the 13th or something.
Lori: Yes. Yes. I mean, I’m really not superstitious or anything, but why bother? Let’s pick a different day. I mean really. It was really fast after that. And I felt strong enough to do it, it wasn’t that hard. I will admit that on the morning, after I checked in, and I saw your mom and dad come in. I was sitting in the chair, and I remember thinking, okay this is getting a lot more real. Okay. Here we go. You can start feeling, “Are you really just going to take this organ?” That was the only time that the emotions started getting rapid. And I told myself to relax, that this is what I’m doing. And this is why I’m doing it. And then I just said okay, let’s go.
Lydia: Do you remember anything before you went down before the surgery?
Lori: I remember them telling me to count backwards from ten. And that was about it. And then I remember when they were trying to move me from the operating table to the roller cart, I was awake, but I just didn’t open my eyes. They were lifting me up and I was like, do you want me to help you? And they freaked! “She’s awake!” And then they were said okay, so I lifted up my butt and scooted for them and they couldn’t believe it. They rolled me in the recovery room and I remember saying, I’m staying awake until I know Kevin’s okay. They told me before that they would tell me if the kidney worked. I could see the end of his bed in the recovery room and I could see his nurse. And I kept telling my nurse tell me about the kidney. Finally she said we have urine or something like that or the kidney is working and it was processing or whatever. And Boom. I just went out. And I remember them trying to wake me up, and I just said leave me alone. It was all fine, I could go to sleep, and that was it.
Lydia: It’s just an incredible thing to think about. I look at Dad and I have those moments. I’ll just look at him and think that’s not his kidney that’s keeping him alive. Seeing Dad that day, I mean, he looked different. His face looked better, his skin. He looked more alive. I didn’t realize how sick he was, which was weird, but I guess I just got so used to the gradual decline of his health. Then I went in to see you and you were just so happy. I could tell you were in a lot of pain but you were just fighting it or something. Oh My God. And when I see you two together and think about it. Wow. She is the reason that my Dad is still alive. With the PKD community, and the transplant people, everyone’s floored. They’re amazed. Always asking, you mean she’s not family? She’s not related to you? Oh is she a really good friend of Kevin’s?
Lori: I didn’t really know Kevin. Not really. I met him once when he was really young when you guys were toddlers, but I didn’t really know him. I knew of him. But once you know Indi, you just know her and love her. You know your mom, she’s just like that. It’s her. That was the conduit that caused this to happen.
Lydia: Did she ever directly ask you to donate?
Lori: No. They asked me that. There were a couple of things they were concerned about. They wanted to know how I got involved. Who asked who first. Whether you guys were paying me any money, and then they told me if I didn’t want to do it for any reason, just tell them and they would tell you I flunked. And I’m thinking, God this is weird. If I didn’t want to do it I wouldn’t be here.
Lydia: Have you felt anything different?
Lori: No. I feel exactly the same. And I think I always have felt exactly the same. I didn’t feel anything. That’s the whole thing about this kidney thing that’s so weird. I mean, you can live with just one! You don’t need them both.
Lydia: I think it’s just the idea of getting something taken out of you.
Lori: It’s a little bit weird. Oh. I don’t have anything to do this summer, how about you take an organ? Yeah. It’s not like you go into it thinking that. If you stop and think about it that way, no one is going to do it. My kidney in my body was like, 94% both of them, but separate its doing like 128%. It’s like 64 or 66% in me and its something like that for him too. I remember I talked to my kidney doctor about that. I’m involved in math and statistics, and that is amazing. It’s almost like everybody should do this. Look at how productive we can be. If two kidneys together are 90%, separate them and look at how productive we can be! You get 120%! Everybody should do it! It’s amazing!
Lydia: I admit, this whole situation with you and my Dad just gives me hope for the future. Your kidney was amazing. His health levels are stable and he feels a lot better and is a lot better. And it’s because of you, because of the choice you made to donate.
Lori: Everybody says they want to make a difference in the world. Well do it. Don’t talk about it. Do it. And that’s how you do it. If somebody needs your help you give it to them. You don’t just sit there and say oh my god I’m scared. No. You do it. To me this is like a big story now. Now I get to see what happens, and I think it will be fun. I get to see how all of you grow up and what you will be.
July 6, 2008
I wanted to share a bit of an interview that I did with Lori when we went to visit her. It was for a contest at Butler, and I actually ended up winning the contest. We had to interview someone and get them to share their story, like in the book, LISTENING IS AN ACT OF LOVE. That was the book that all the incoming Freshman had to read, and there was a contest to go along with it. Who better to interview than the woman that saved my Dad's life and became a great friend of mine!?!?
Here is is:
Lydia Dreyer, 19, interview’s her friend and father’s kidney donor, Lori Brewer, 45
Recorded in Mulvane, KS
Lydia Dreyer: What do you tell people when they ask why you donated a kidney to someone who was not in your family?
Lori Brewer: It depends on who the person is and why they’re asking the question, and if I feel like they should get an answer. I tell them it’s because I felt very strongly that this person, your dad, Kevin Dreyer, needed to live. And there was something that I could do, so I did it. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s someone in my family, it doesn’t matter at all. Really. Is that bad?
Lydia: No. No. It was really good. Did that question come up when you were being evaluated by the psychiatrist to see if you qualified as a donor?
Lori: Yes, constantly. That was the big thing, you know, why do you want to do this for someone who isn’t a family member. But I really don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. It’s my kidney, I figure I should be able to give it to who ever I want and don’t have to see a psychiatrist.
Lydia: So what did you tell them when that question came up?
Lori: That it was really important for me to do this because Kevin wouldn’t live without it. He was a father of 3 daughters and I believe that the most important relationship that a girl can have is with her father. And that’s really the reason I did it. I felt like it’s for the family, for your mom, Indi, and it’s for you and your sisters. He needs to live, and if I have the power to do that then why wouldn’t I? To me it’s not even a question- I didn’t understand what the big deal was. Really. You three girls need that relationship and you don’t need to have a loss of that magnitude. You just don’t. So that was the main reason. Because of you guys. And plus he’s funny as hell. And he can answer any question! You know you ask him a question and he answers it. That’s impressive.
Lydia: I’ve heard there was a question that you asked him. Why was that question so important?
Lori: It was the way he answered it. It wasn’t the question. That wasn’t what impressed me, what impressed me was the way he answered. When I ask questions of people they usually answer simply, and then I have another and then it’s like I’m pulling out the answers. With Kevin, he answered that question from all sides and there were no more questions. And I can’t remember that happening too many times in my life. And that was impressive. You meet people all the time, and they just don’t make that big of an impression on me. But that wasn’t the case with your dad. This guy needs to stay around, he’s got things to say and do.
Lydia: Well I’m really glad you donated a kidney to him. It helped create life and friendships!
Lori: That’s true because I just knew Indi. And you guys met me when you were little toddlers, and you never would have known me or my family or come to Kansas.
Lydia: So what was your full relationship to my mom? You knew her when she was in college?
Lori: She was just finishing her undergraduate studies when I met her and we were waiting tables at the Olive Tree and just making our way in the world. It wasn’t very long. It was probably less than a year spent together and then it became the Christmas card thing. A card every Christmas, and then every once and a while we talked on the phone and it was like that until she came back for her reunion. When she came back we reconnected and started talking again. And then she came back here and stayed with me, and it began just spending more time with each other and together. And then she told me about Kevin and that you guys were looking for a kidney and I heard the story. And I was like, God, that’s terrible. All these people are going through the process and I couldn’t understand what the deal was. Two years and it keeps going on and on. So I came for her birthday party and thought, “What is the deal? Why can’t this happen?” And then I started thinking about it, and thought, this is just ridiculous. If none of these people can do it, then I’ll do it. It’s just time to get it done.
Lydia: She always talks about you saying that you just knew you would be the donor.
Lori: I knew it was going to be me.
Lydia: How did you know?
Lori: I’ve always known. I just knew. Like I know that 1+1 is 2 and I knew that I was going to donate that kidney.
Lydia: How did you talk to your family when you decided you would donate the kidney?
Lori: Well again, see that wasn’t the problem, deciding to donate the kidney. The problem I had and when I really spent time thinking about it was before I even told your mom that I was going to start the process because I knew once I started that I would be the one. I talked to the girls; I told them what I was going to do. I asked if they had any concerns, and they wanted to know if I was going to die and I told them probably not. I explained to them what I knew at that point, which wasn’t a whole lot.
Lydia: There were a lot of people that had to drop out, not by choice, but because they didn’t match, and I know that was really hard on them because they felt they were letting us down, which they weren’t—
Lori: Yeah. If you think you’re going to do it, and you want to help someone and you can’t, it was like the way your mom felt. She couldn’t donate because she didn’t match. The family members wanted to do it. I mean, how can you depend on someone else in the world that you don’t even know. The generosity of someone like that would be scary as hell. Again, it was just the upfront that was the hard part.
Lydia: I remember getting that call. I was in my sister, Natalie’s, room when we got the call and they came in and told us. We all just started screaming. The whole house erupted in screaming. OH MY GOD SHE’S A MATCH, SHE’S A MATCH. And then they wanted to do the surgery on Friday the 13th or something.
Lori: Yes. Yes. I mean, I’m really not superstitious or anything, but why bother? Let’s pick a different day. I mean really. It was really fast after that. And I felt strong enough to do it, it wasn’t that hard. I will admit that on the morning, after I checked in, and I saw your mom and dad come in. I was sitting in the chair, and I remember thinking, okay this is getting a lot more real. Okay. Here we go. You can start feeling, “Are you really just going to take this organ?” That was the only time that the emotions started getting rapid. And I told myself to relax, that this is what I’m doing. And this is why I’m doing it. And then I just said okay, let’s go.
Lydia: Do you remember anything before you went down before the surgery?
Lori: I remember them telling me to count backwards from ten. And that was about it. And then I remember when they were trying to move me from the operating table to the roller cart, I was awake, but I just didn’t open my eyes. They were lifting me up and I was like, do you want me to help you? And they freaked! “She’s awake!” And then they were said okay, so I lifted up my butt and scooted for them and they couldn’t believe it. They rolled me in the recovery room and I remember saying, I’m staying awake until I know Kevin’s okay. They told me before that they would tell me if the kidney worked. I could see the end of his bed in the recovery room and I could see his nurse. And I kept telling my nurse tell me about the kidney. Finally she said we have urine or something like that or the kidney is working and it was processing or whatever. And Boom. I just went out. And I remember them trying to wake me up, and I just said leave me alone. It was all fine, I could go to sleep, and that was it.
Lydia: It’s just an incredible thing to think about. I look at Dad and I have those moments. I’ll just look at him and think that’s not his kidney that’s keeping him alive. Seeing Dad that day, I mean, he looked different. His face looked better, his skin. He looked more alive. I didn’t realize how sick he was, which was weird, but I guess I just got so used to the gradual decline of his health. Then I went in to see you and you were just so happy. I could tell you were in a lot of pain but you were just fighting it or something. Oh My God. And when I see you two together and think about it. Wow. She is the reason that my Dad is still alive. With the PKD community, and the transplant people, everyone’s floored. They’re amazed. Always asking, you mean she’s not family? She’s not related to you? Oh is she a really good friend of Kevin’s?
Lori: I didn’t really know Kevin. Not really. I met him once when he was really young when you guys were toddlers, but I didn’t really know him. I knew of him. But once you know Indi, you just know her and love her. You know your mom, she’s just like that. It’s her. That was the conduit that caused this to happen.
Lydia: Did she ever directly ask you to donate?
Lori: No. They asked me that. There were a couple of things they were concerned about. They wanted to know how I got involved. Who asked who first. Whether you guys were paying me any money, and then they told me if I didn’t want to do it for any reason, just tell them and they would tell you I flunked. And I’m thinking, God this is weird. If I didn’t want to do it I wouldn’t be here.
Lydia: Have you felt anything different?
Lori: No. I feel exactly the same. And I think I always have felt exactly the same. I didn’t feel anything. That’s the whole thing about this kidney thing that’s so weird. I mean, you can live with just one! You don’t need them both.
Lydia: I think it’s just the idea of getting something taken out of you.
Lori: It’s a little bit weird. Oh. I don’t have anything to do this summer, how about you take an organ? Yeah. It’s not like you go into it thinking that. If you stop and think about it that way, no one is going to do it. My kidney in my body was like, 94% both of them, but separate its doing like 128%. It’s like 64 or 66% in me and its something like that for him too. I remember I talked to my kidney doctor about that. I’m involved in math and statistics, and that is amazing. It’s almost like everybody should do this. Look at how productive we can be. If two kidneys together are 90%, separate them and look at how productive we can be! You get 120%! Everybody should do it! It’s amazing!
Lydia: I admit, this whole situation with you and my Dad just gives me hope for the future. Your kidney was amazing. His health levels are stable and he feels a lot better and is a lot better. And it’s because of you, because of the choice you made to donate.
Lori: Everybody says they want to make a difference in the world. Well do it. Don’t talk about it. Do it. And that’s how you do it. If somebody needs your help you give it to them. You don’t just sit there and say oh my god I’m scared. No. You do it. To me this is like a big story now. Now I get to see what happens, and I think it will be fun. I get to see how all of you grow up and what you will be.
July 6, 2008
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